Grief is an emotion that no one gets through life without experiencing, but did you know people with autism experience grief differently?
The death of my best friend sparked a desire to understand grief and why my grieving process looks different from the neurotypical people in my life. We are taught that there are stages of grief that typically manifest in a linear manner: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Autistic people rarely follow this linear model due to differences in processing information and emotions. Autistic people sometimes suffer from alexithymia, an inability to describe feelings, which can lead to increased anger and confusion- being asked how you are feeling with no accurate way to answer is distressing.
Autistic people thrive on routines and grief is an unavoidable change that can cause an amplification in autistic behavior. Our grief often manifests in physical ways- nausea, headaches, and decreased emotional regulation leading to meltdowns and outbursts. We may appear unaffected by the loss of a loved one or laugh at inappropriate times as our brains struggle to adapt to a new challenge. I struggle with decreased executive function and a lack of desire or inability to be social. Tasks that previously took minutes sometimes require hours, or even days to complete.
Wondering how to help your autistic loved one cope with their grief? Tell them it’s okay to let their body decide how to grieve. They may require extra alone time or a new topic or project to delve into. Make sure they are taking care of their physical needs- we often struggle with sleeping and eating during times of emotional distress.
– written by an adult with autism working with JoyDew
